End of the End

*Cue “Final Countdown” song* We are coming close to the end now! Today was our last full climbing day of short trip 2014, and we decided it was time to split up, divide and conquer. Today’s areas were Millers Fork (2.0), Military Wall and Drive By. Kyle and Lindsay took a small group with the CRV to Millers Fork where they explored another new sector with lots of rock wrastlin’ and shenanigans. Carson and Brendan took the larger group to Military Wall where lots of project sendin’ and rock kickin’ commenced. I took the last group to Drive By where we conquered fears and made dreams come true.

 

At Drive By today, we decided to sling up some old classics as well as a few newer (at least for us) routes to try. America started the day by slinging up Whipstocking (5.11a) and beginning the send train. Dena had her first stringing experience today by putting up Fire and Brimstone (5.10d) for a quick and easy flash of the route. She quickly followed that up by sending Whipstocking again, and onsighting Spirit Fingers (5.11c)! Dena likes to pretend that she is not a strong rock climber, but she isn’t fooling anyone. Delivery ran up Fire and Brimstone and also strung and sent Breakfast Burrito (5.10d), before getting a second go send of Spirit Fingers. She was pretty terrified on her first go but managed to work through the anxiety on her second go. Maria had an epic on Fire and Brimstone (after easily flashing Whipstocking), up and down climbing through sections for what seemed like 4 hours. Finally she made her way to the top for a clean onsight of the route. I forced Maria to belay me while cleaning Whipstocking later that day, and she got a serious lesson of weight difference when I decided to jump off the wall while cleaning. America put in some real serious effort on Primus Noctum (5.12a), but couldn’t pull past the final crimp move near the chains. She then decided to conquer her fear by getting back on and sending Breakfast Burrito (a route she previously broke her ankle on two years ago and has been terrified to try since). Maxime and Eve both climbed Whipstocking, and Maxime also climbed a newer route- Make a Wish (5.10b). Maria also climbed that route before I cleaned it at the end of the day. Feeling rather accomplished, we headed out to meet the other groups back at the barn.

 

Miller’s Fork was once again an exciting adventure for the kids. A small group took the CRV to a new area, called the Infirmary. Maddawg, Kyle, Lindsay and Beans decided to be “Team Hat” today and wear hats the entire climbing day. Both Maddawg and Kyle rocked backwards and upside down visors and Lindsay and Beans wore Koen’s baseball hats backwards. Whoever managed to wear their hat the entire time would be the winner of the competition, of which the sole prize would be pride. The routes at this area were pretty stout and required you to summit a death boulder to even begin. Cole lead a 5.10d called Pre-Op and beasted his way to the top. Maddawg crushed Pre-Op second go and cleaned it. Kyle, being the jackass that he is, pushed Lindsay, Maddawg’s belayer, off the death boulder and into the abyss. Maddawg and Lindsay both proceeded to swing violently for like 10 minutes because Kyle wouldn’t let them get back on the death boulder (literally every time Lindsay managed to get a foot back on Kyle would push her back off) and Lindsay wasn’t about to lower she and Maddawg into the death vines. Maddawg ended up linking a chain of quickdraws to Lindsay’s harness and they managed to make it back on top of the death boulder Vertical Limit style with no thanks to Kyle. Beans strung Porphyria, 5.10d, like a total bawse. Kyle got on both Porphyria and Pre-Op and managed to complain literally the entire time. Lindsay climbed strung Pre-Op and Phantom Pain (hardest 5.11a EVER) and cleaned Porphyria. TZ was a total baller today climbing Pre-Op and climbing and cleaning Phantom Pain. Her cleaning experience was a whole lot less entertaining considering Kyle was a solid 20 feet away and therefore not able to push her off any death boulders. No worries the funeral has been cancelled. Once again Kyle pushed Maddawg off the death boulder when Lindsay was cleaning and the life or death struggle to mount the death boulder began again. After both Maddawg and Lindsay spent much time clinging for life in a tree (after avoiding being impaled by several other trees), Kyle eventually let them back on the death boulder. It should be noted that Cole was of no help, and he teamed up with Kyle to push Lindsay and Maddawg off the death boulder several times. Lindsay asserts that the tree ascent is her hardest to date.  Since Beans called take on the hat competition almost immediately, Lindsay threw Kyle’s visor into the death vines in a fit of rage, and Lindsay lost her hat to the nasty death vines, Maddawg was the victor of the hat competition. She and Lindsay have decided to extend the hat competition until the end of the trip. They’re only allowed to remove them to sleep and shower. This is guaranteed to be at least mildly interesting.

 

On to Military Wall, where projects went down left and right. Nico managed to send Reliquary (5.12b) and thus completed the entire Military Wall on this trip. Ellen took down her 47 year project (read 3 years) Reliquary. She made sure to remind me to get this put into the blog. See Ellen, I put it in the blog. See, see. Jess climbed Fuzzy Undercling for a super sweet send. Rachel, Gabe, Chuckles and David all did the 5.10’s at the lower wall (as did Jess). P.S. Gabe decided he needed a middle name so we have given him the name Allen. Gabriel Allen Zuniga. Boom. Lots of rock kicking went down before and after the projects being sent, but kids generally kept it real.

 

Dinner tonight was Jümbalaya! We had probably 74 entire pigs worth of keilbasa in the mix tonight. Much simmering of the rice occurred, much scalding of the mouths. We were also graciously brought cookies by Mary tonight, those lasted all of about 20 minutes (two giant bags worth). Also of note, Lindsay finally learned how to shuffle a bridge tonight after 23 years. Rejoice. Chuckles may or may not have taught her and bragged about it. After a brief and constantly derailed team meeting, we still have not decided what our plan for tomorrow is- maybe climbing, maybe Miguel’s, maybe Mammoth Cave, maybe the Corvette museum?? Only time will tell. Lots of winding down has happened and much playing of the cards and the chess. Kyle, Carson, Brendan, and Maddawg played a game of hearts before Maddawg beat Brendan and he stormed off so Drew took his place. Some of the kids have also started a game of hide and seek outside with headlamps which has been hilarious to watch. Special shout out to TZ who found out she got a pass down to compete at Worlds this year, congrats! We may or may not post a blog tomorrow, but if not we wanted to say thank you to everyone that followed our shenanigans over the last two weeks. You all rock! Overall this trip has been fantastic and we are all sad to see it come to a close so soon. It seems like yesterday we were pulling up to the barn and selecting which bunk bed we would have for the rest of the trip. As much as we are going to miss this place, I know that many of the kids are exited to see their parents again (even if they don’t admit it).

 

Closing Words!

 

Kyle: “first, last, only blog post…you’re welcome! This crew has been the realest. Thought there would be no way to top last year, but this year was full of hood rat things. Shannigans were next level. Side note mad props to TZ’s parental units for accepting her invite to worlds.  So that’s now a thing.  And speaking of things last rest day I missed an 8 foot putt for a 39.  I still killed brandan and sizzle (cuz the suck something fierce) but my point is we literally have given up sleep totally. Thank you Maxime who just swung my club in the barn and grounded it…sure that’s great for the resale value (movie quote). Oh almost forgot Maddog won in hearts, which involved Brendan throwing a temper tantrum because she gave him the queen and the rest of us laughing and him throwing the cards on the table and stroming out of the barn. Not to worry Drew took over and the very next hand she dropped the queen on him….Too real. So the new game is I’m going to keep typing as fast as I can (assuming America continues to spell all the big words for me) until bloggers come back and take the lap top away…who knows how long that will take.  Ok fun is over Lindsay is screaming aka shinning an intensely bright (prepper) flash light in my eye……..ugh BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

Sam H: “Everything I say is good. Wait I say it and you write it?? *** **** **** *** Get it?? DON’T ACTUALLY PUT THAT!!! NO!! You’re fired. Being a senior is probably the worst thing in the world. I can’t stay with everyone at once. We all need to just live in the barn. FOREVER!”

 

Rachel: “Miguel’s goes hard in the paint. It’s been real. Gabe’s sass level was constantly at a maximum!!”

 

Maddawg: “Please laugh…”

 

David: “It was a lot of fun! I got to project a lot more stuff . I don’t really want to go home, but I want to see my family. Hats for dayzzzz. I packed like 12.”

 

Nico: “Best dayzzz were rest dayzzzz.”

 

Sam P: “Rock whatting???”

 

Dena: “I found out that Kyle is fat.”

 

Jess: “I BEAT SAM AT CHESS AND I LIKE MY NEW SHIRT!!!”

 

Charlie: “Gabe is the dumbest person I have ever met and his sass level was through the roof. Kyle is an idiot but we already knew that. I’m super excited for Mammoth Cave tomorrow so I can finally fulfil my life long dream of riding a mammoth. Also short trip was fun I guess! Minus the climbing… because who climbs on climbing trips anyway.”

 

TZ: “It’s been real! Shout out to my rents for letting me go to worlds! Love ya rents!”

 

Ellen: “Being a senior sucks. I am never leaving. EVER. The End.”

 

Beans: “The trip was really good. We had ups and we had no downs!”

 

Erica: “Y’all are dumb. We should climb tomorrow.”

 

Kaylie: “Good trip, but Maddawg laughed at me when I fell out of my chair on my butt.”

 

Delivery: “Flying ants suck, and some of the walls were cool. Miguel’s is where it’s at.”

 

Eve: “I had a great time. Lindsay is a hippie. Umm… Yeah I’m cool.”

 

Maxime: “When I compare France to America, France is terrible. I don’t want to go back.”

 

Maria: “I really enjoyed this trip! I don’t have a favorite part. I liked it all!!”

 

Cole: “Gabe doesn’t deserve to have the final words. I do. Oh and I cant wait to see my mom and my brother.”

 

Gabe: “Oh I get the final words? What a pleasure! Gotta save the best for last. Team Roger will be remembered forever. What’s a top gun quote? Go hard in the paint? Isn’t that what Kyle says? Also did you mention that my middle name is Allen? What time is it? Oh and you also need to write that I have a super low sass level ALL THE TIME, but Charlie and Rachel’s sass level is like to Jupiter! Hhhmmmmm I can finally do a bridge… BETTER THAN CHARLIE! Please write that. She will be mad. Ummm uhh um Team Texas was established in 1996. I remember that from the Hell Week test. Ale-8 is the best soda ever and I spent at least $30 on it. Oh and make sure you say that I got everyone out in knock out. EIGHT DAYS!!!!! I have a bruise right above my nipple. LOOK!! MADDAWG LOOK!!! I think I got another one. You guys suck. You guys were the best. Deal with it. UFO chess da best. My favorite part was making friends. I have like 20 now. Okay now 19 because Maxime just pinched me in the nipple. Maddawg do I have another bruise? Oh my also favorite part was the note thingy. 8. My nipples hurt. That’s all I can think about. I’m sorry. Oww.”

 

This workplace has gone 12 days without a mass casualty.

 

Over and out.

 

– Ellis, Mad Dog, and Lindsay

Boom goes the Dynamite

Final Rest Day!!! Things are winding down but we are not done yet! We completed our final rest day of the trip today, with Thursday and Friday being the final upcoming climbing days of the trip.

This morning started nice and slow. Kyle took Brendan and Carson to play golf around 9:30, so the kids slept until 10:30 or so. Breakfast today was burrito’s/tacos which is super amazing because everyone loves a change of pace from the boredom of cereal and oatmeal. We made a ton of food and all the kids got seconds or thirds if they so desired to. After clean up and chores around the barn, Kyle and crew showed back up and we mobilized to head north to Winchinchestershiretownship. Everyone drew two names out of the hats for notes today- one was for each of the seniors on the trip, and one was the normal set of everyone’s names for standard note rotation.

Our first stop today was the Ale 8 One factory just off the highway in Winchestervillesterheimenhamen. The Ale 8 factory is ALWAYS a hit with the kids. Sometimes they offer tours of the plant, but the main attraction we always go for is the gift shop! With 9,000 different t-shirts, 500 coffee cups/glasses, 657 different bottle openers and anything else you can imagine branding with a logo- it has something for everyone. Some highlights purchases include- Sam P getting a patriotic red, white and blue Ale 8 sweatshirt, all of the older kids purchasing the brand new tank tops, Cole buying an Ale 8 bottle coozy almost entirely because he purchased two Ale 8’s from the vending machine, and much more. The kids also took the opportunity to take various serious and hilarious photos in front of the Ale 8 sign and fountain in the front part of the building. The seniors all got a shot together, and the team took a serious and a “gang signs” photo as well. We also probably emptied the vending machine of all its Ale 8’s.

On to lunch, the group split up between the Waffle House and Fazoli’s (“Italian”-esque food). Waffle House was clearly the superior choice. Breakfast two times in less than 4 hours can only be a good thing right?? Lunch quickly segued into our….drum roll….Final Walmart visit!!! Finally we can cease our millions of dollars spent on groceries multiple times a week to feed these children with pits in their stomache’s. We dwindled our Walmart bill down to its lowest total ever, just over $100 for the next two and a half days. I’m sure we will end up with extras of some things, but run out with just enough of others. The vans were packed and then it was off to Kroger again for coffee time.

Back on the road to the barn, we decided to make a detour before dinner for a quick game of football. I tried out my head mount for the Go Pro today and lashed it on to Big Sam’s head to get some sweet footage of the game. The kids managed to pack a ton of action into a short 40 minute game before we jetted back to the barn for dinner. Dinner was an exciting mix of grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. Not every meal can be the most riveting experience. Once dinner was wrapped up, kids continued work on their final notes for the trip, many of them are writing lengthy goodbye letters to the seniors and are putting a lot of work into them. Around 10pm we made a fire and set up a smores station to get a little more sugar into the kids. The night was capped off with a fireworks show that did not disappoint. Much more than your average roman candles and sparklers, Drew brought some serious explosives with him on this trip. The kids were ooed and awed for nearly an hour before we finally ran out of ammunition. We are getting psyched to go check out more new climbing tomorrow! It sounds like all the groups will be going back to Millers Fork to explore more new areas. Till tomorrow. Sorry we didn’t have time for many details today, we’ll fill you in on all the shenanigans of tomorrow!

 

This workplace has gone 11 days without a major natural disaster.

 

-Ellis, Mad Dog and Lindsay

Hit it With a Fork

Millers Fork that is. TZ died today. The funeral is tomorrow. This workplace has gone 0 days without a casualty.

 

Just kidding. Today we went to a (drum roll)…new area! We were lucky enough to have a local and friend of Team Texas, Steve Sandman, agree to take us out to a new area called Millers Fork. Millers Fork was purchased by the Red River Gorge Climbers Coalition about a year ago, and is slowly becoming publicized and developed by a number of climbers in the area. We got an early start today so we could explore and enjoy as much of the new climbs as we could, leaving the barn around 9:30am to meet Sandman at 10am. We were at the wall around 10:30 and we were psyched! The drive in was a little long but the area was worth it. We went to two areas side by side called Serenity Point and Coopers Cove. Serenity Point had two 5.11b’s and two 5.11d/.12a’s that we strung up. Beans strung the leftmost .11b while I put up the other three to the right. Nico climbed the right .11b and one hung the .11d to the right. Maddie and Cole both worked their way up one of the 5.11bs. Ellen climbed the two .11b’s and crawled her way to the top of the two .11d’s. She was incredibly motivated by trying to beat Kyle for the most pitches climbed today. Sometimes it’s all about finding the right buttons to push with the kids. Cole was a BAWSE on the wall today, he pushed through his fear on a hard route and managed to clip the chains on a 5.11b.

Over at Cooper’s Cove, Kyle and crew were busy stringing up all the classics. Kyle made a bet with the kids today so that anyone who climbed more pitches than him would get a free Ale 8. This kept all the kids super motivated today since they all wanted to beat him. Kaylie climbed two of the 5.10s and three 5.11s on top rope today. Beans was super excited to get on some new stuff, and he completed a total of 5 pitches. Maxime climbed two 5.10s, and a 5.11, and he said he found the area pretty hard today. Maddie also put some work in on the 5.10s. Dena climbed both 5.10s and said she had a pretty fun day overall. Maria climbed several 5,10s and 5.11s today crushing all of them. Gabe climbed a 13a, 12b, 16d, and a 27j. No but really he had a solid day today climbing two 10s and one 11. David got on three 5.11s and two 5.10s today and crushed. Eve and Rachel had an awesome day today climbing the 10s as well. Sam P climbed a 5.11b and two of the 5.10’s. Jess was a PRO belayer today. GO JESS. YOU ROCK. She caught many a whip today. Delivery climbed a 5.11a and the two 5.10’s. She was super strong on the wall, even with the encounters of many flying rocks. Ellen also strung one of the 10’s at the wall (her pitch count was 6 today!). When asked how or what she climbed today, Chuckles replied. I don’t know what that means. Big Sam strung up two of the 5.11’s and climbed one of the 5.10’s. Cole and Erica both did one of the 5.10’s and Erica worked on pretty much every 5.11 at Coopers. Sizzle climbed and cleaned one of the 5.11’s and sent one of the 5.10’s as well. Drew bear climbed walls today. 5 of them to be exact. Kyle got 5 WHOLE PITCHES IN TODAY! Now a few words from the kids about the new area:

In Gabe’s words: “I hated it. There were flying ants that took two hits to kill. The sun was in my eyes, ALWAYS. Rocks kept on falling, it smelled like poo. Ehn. But there was a good boulder to sit on.” *Gabe storms off*

Cole said: “It was good because it was challenging. Very challenging. I pushed myself hard today and I completed a route that was 5.11b. Also I want to say hi to my mom because I know she reads the blog. Hi Mom, I love you.”

Rachel says: “I thought the walls were hella tall, I thought the routes were like really cool. Miguel’s was like really, really, much needed, probably like the best I’ve ever had. I had like half a pint of ice cream.”

Maria told us: “There was a bunch of flying ants everywhere and they were really annoying. And then Maxime stepped in poop, so it smelled really, really bad. I don’t even know how he did it. The wall was really sketchy because the rocks kept coming off and falling in my eyes. But other than that I thought it was pretty fun. Miguel’s tasted really good today. Me and Eve split an ice cream but I mostly ate it all.”

Carsizzle said: “Uhh. I thought it was fun to get on new things. Is that acceptable? You need some humor? Give me a little bit to be creative. Ohhh yea, on my cleaning route I became one with the tree. (Carson flew off and hit the tree)”

Brando said: “I thought it was awesome. That’s about it.”

TZ tells us: “It sucked. Alright so I was belaying this really fat idiot (Kyle) and he decided to break a hold off the wall above his bolt and I flew up about a 1000 and he fell in a tree and almost impaled himself but then he pulled back up to the wall and finished the route and then we almost got crushed by a falling tree. Then I was forced to clean this really stupid route and I broke a hold off and cried just kidding I didn’t cry but my fingers did, because that is true. One of them started bleeding.”

Drew said: “I was super psyched to rock climb, even though there weren’t many hammocking spots. Until I found out that wasps/hornets are complete jerks. And attacked me. on the wall. I died. It was awful. No exaggeration I literally died.”

On to Miguel’s! We sent one van a few minutes earlier to divide up the load on the staff making pizza today. Lindsay and I took the younger group (10-20 in sound off) first and made orders for all the guides as well. Soon thereafter, the rest of the team showed up and basketball knockout took over once more. Maxime won one game and Bean’s made it to final four in almost every game. Cole also won a game today! Drew threw a ball from all the way across the court to knock Brendan out today. I even made a guest appearance and actually made a few shots. After about 7,000 rounds of knockout and 9,000 slices of pizza later, we rolled out of Miguel’s and headed back to the barn. A little bit of unwinding was had and then we decided to go to DQ for some late night ice cream. So much ice cream today, we are all overloaded on dairy now. The kids have been asking for a night walk for some time now, and Carson and Brendan finally relented tonight and agreed to take the kids out. They plan to go check out the infamous “Murder Barn” just down the road from the cabin. Everyone is wrecked from climbing today and we are psyched for our last rest day tomorrow! Hopefully we will find some good shenanigans to get into. See you on the flip side. We had a hilarious photo for the blog tonight but it doesn’t want to upload! We will try again tomorrow.

 

This workplace has gone 11 days without multiple fatalities.

 

-Ellis, Mad Dog and Lindsay

144 Candles

Double rest day insanity finally came to an end, despite the pleas from most of the kids to continue resting for another 7 weeks or so. Back to our climbing schedule today, we decided to head back to the north area of the gorge and divide the climbers between Military Wall and Left Flank. Most climbers had visited Military Wall before, but Left Flank was new for 95.5% of the kids on the trip.

Dividing the group in half, we set off for the wall around 10:30am and were stringing lines by 11:15am or so. Over at Military Wall, Mad Dawg strung the 5.10a at the lower area, and Cole, Eve, Maria, Maxime and America all quickly lead the route for a nice warm up. I strung up Reliquary for Ellen to project, while she strung up and warmed up on Fuzzy Undercling. Nico strung Gung Ho and Lindsay strung Tissue Tiger, also for the benefit of other climbers to attempt to project and send said routes. Delivery re-climbed Fuzzy Undercling and Maria one hung the climb on her first go today. After two attempts Niko managed to send Tissue Tiger for his second 5.12b of the trip! Maxime got painfully close to finally sending Fuzzy Undercling. Ellen came close on Reliquary- one hanging it on her second go today.  Big Sam aka Black Ice also sent Gung Ho for his first 5.12b of the trip! David put in great work on Gung Ho and America got a new highpoint on Tissue Tiger, surpassing her previous years efforts. Dena crushed Fuzzy Undercling as well- too easy.

Around 1:45/2PM half of the group at Military headed over to meet the other group at Left Flank. Left Flank was a great area for everyone on this trip. Everything from vertical 5.8 to monster overhang 5.13 was strung and attempted today. Carson/Brendan and crew managed to psych up the kids and got them moving quickly. Literally EVERYONE climbed the 5.8 because it was awesome! There was a line to climb that route all day and the line finally ended when TZ cleaned it at the end of the day. It should be noted that TZ did SEVEN pitches today. SEVEN!!!! I don’t know how her hands weren’t bleeding at the end of the day. Carson did 4 pitches today and Brendan did 5. We were all surprised, and I’m pretty sure they are going to go into retirement any minute now. Gabe climbed the 5.8, 5.10, and 5.11 today. He made many funny comments at the wall today and we decided that he seriously is the new 2-chainzzz (although we could never actually replace you 2-chainzzz). Today at the wall he sported a nice new hair do including 5 pigtails. Charlie climbed the 5.8 and two of the 5.10s. Charlie was also super supportive today and helped a lot of the younger kids stay positive and motivated. Kaylie top roped a 5.10 and 5.11 and got really close to sending the 5.8 on lead. Dena had an awesome day today climbing everything in sight! Beans climbed like a pro today onsight stringing the 5.11d. Rachel climbed the 5.8, one of the 5.10s and one of the 5.11s. She too was incredible today helping keep all of the shenanigans to a minimum. Jess and Sam P had a very similar day climbing the 5.8 and getting several runs in on the 10s.

Today was note day, and several interesting gifts were received. Brendan got an awesome shirt from Lindsay that we have called the hypno-cat-shirt, on it she had written all of the lyrics to the song “Danger Zone”, which was featured in everyone’s new favorite film, Top Gun. Sam got a large plush ball from David. Ellen got a cantalope for Erica, and Niko gave Ellis a ball of cabbage. Charlie wrote a super sentimental note for Maddie, and Maria received some sweet army men from Beans. Jess also got a super cool Walking Dead poster from Delivery. Jess also made a super cool duct tape flower made out of American flag duct tape for Ercia. Brendan wrote Big Sam a legitimately sincere note, which Sam wasted no time in losing. All in all it was a good note day.

After returning to the barn, everyone changed into their swimsuits to get ready to go cliff jumping again. It was going to be a quick trip though because everyone was starving and ready for dinner. While the kids went to swim, the guides stayed back to cook us some mac and cheese with bacon for dinner. Once everyone was changed we loaded up the vans to head to the area. There were a bunch of people already there when we got there so it was decided that everyone could just make one jump. The jumps started off when David doing a back flip followed by Niko just running off the edge. Then Ellen and Maria jumped off together. It was fun to see Maria conquer her fear again. Eve, Kaylie, TZ, and Sam H were next. Then it was time for Cole and Maddie. Cole jumped the first time we went swimming, but was a little hesitant to do it again. After a pep talk from Maddie he was ready to jump. Everyone cheered for him once he hit the water. Then Maddie jumped off and we headed back to the vans.

Once we returned it was time for mac and cheese. We managed to eat both pots in .002 seconds. What do you call a sleeping bull? A BullDOZER!!!!!! I hope that’s not too cheesy for you… (get it cheesy??? Like mac and CHEESE!!! Please laugh…) Once we finished dinner it was time for chores. The kitchen team (Jess and Erica’s team) and the dishes crew (Maddie’s team) worked like a machine and got dinner cleaned up even faster than the amount of time it took us to eat it. Ellen’s team was awesome and got all the gear ready for tomorrow while Sam’s team cleaned out the vans. I continue to be amazed with how dirty the vans can get in just a matter of minutes. No worries though! They are all clean (for now)! Once chores were completed it was time for card games and showers. Carson, Brendan, Kyle, and Drew are playing spades again, and Eve, Cole, Nico, Rachel, Maria, and TZ are rotating through a game of 13. Rachel received a note earlier in the week from Dena that included 2 scoops with a ball that you throw back and forth and catch with the scoop. That game has been very popular lately however a light bulb was shattered so we sort of put a pause on that game for now. After the lightbulb crisis it was time to celebrate old man Ellis’ birthday. Kyle had picked up a cake from K.Rogers earlier today that he appropriately had “Happy Birthday Old Man” written on it in icing. Everyone sung to him and much cake was devoured by all. We’re all heading to bed pretty early tonight. Tomorrow we’re heading to a brand new area which we are über pscyhed to crush. Deuces!

 

This workplace has gone 9 days without a major/serious fatality.

 

-Ellis, Mad Dog and Lindsay

King of the Gator

Rest Day 2.0! Let’s wrap up last night quickly first.

We spent about 7,000 hours at the drive in movie last night, watching a double feature of “Guardians of the Galaxy” and “Tammy” (for the older kids) and “Captain America” for the rest of the group. Guardian’s was generally well received by the group, with a good deal of witty moments and adrenaline junky action scenes to draw your attention. Tammy had its moments, but left most of us with mixed feelings about if it was worth seeing or not. By most accounts Captain America fulfilled its role as a special effects explosion and loud noise combo pack. We packed up around 1am and rolled out back to the barn for some much needed sleep.

 

Today started off veeeerrrrrry slow. Most of us slept till around 11am since we had no morning plans to take care of. Kyle went to play a quick game of golf and met us back at the barn around 1pm. After a brief (or non existant) breakfast we rallied Kyle to go to Miguel’s for lunch. At lunch today we brought Miguel’s a new basketball to be donated for the greater good of the community. A few rounds of knockout obviously ensued during and after lunch. Sam, David, and Maria all showed off their skills. Kyle is currently telling me to write something about how he is really good at basketball but lets be honest; we all beat him… Maddie also spent a good deal of time getting some perfect “pizza face” photos to make into a collage for the trip. The amount of absurd faces that people make while eating their pizza is priceless. Some of the best pictures were of Maxime, Erica, and Carson. Kyle also managed to get some perfect stealth photos of Drew (who has been adamantly opposed to anyone photographing him at any point).

 

After Miguel’s, it was Flexington time. Lexington lies just a little ways past Winchester, but boasts a slightly more realistic version of a city. Our principal reason for going to Lexington was to go to the pool for a swim session. We first stopped at Starbucks to fuel up on life giving coffee. Every time we enter a medium to small sized establishment, you can practically hear the collective groans of the employees working there. Nevertheless, we typically do our best to get what we need, and (as Kyle would say) make like a tree and head out.

 

Once we located the pool where we have frequented in the past, we proceeded to invade and conquer in a manner akin to a horde of ravenous Vikings. The high dive which had previously adorned the far side of the deep end had been replaced with a 10 to 12 foot climbing wall- much to the joy of most of the kids. This was obviously a huge hit, and occupied most of the first half of our swimming day. Nico impressed us all when he campussed the wall. Kids took turns finding a harder or easier path of the wall, and flipping/diving/jumping off the diving boards at the other end. Then it was time for adult swim! The older kids, (Carson, Brendan, Maddie, Ellen, and Sam) took advantage of it and headed over to the alligator- a huge plastic contraption that can house anywhere from 1 to 1,000 people on top of it at one time. The classic game of “kick each other off the alligator began” and chaos ensued for the next 30 minutes or so. You see, the way you win the game is, well…. Uhh…….you don’t. After adult swim ended, the older kids were bombarded with 20 screaming younger kids eager to partake in the fun. Finally someone from the pool yelled at us for going hard in the paint for too long and we dispersed to different areas in the pool. A special shout out goes out to Cole for taking it upon himself (without being asked or prompted by anyone) to apologize to the management on behalf of the whole team. Once that whole ordeal had been resolved we began packing up to head across the field to play a game of ultimate Frisbee. We immediately realized that we planned our day backwards…it would have made much more sense to swim after playing a game in the sun for 45 minutes, but then again logic has never been our strong suit. The ultimate game was pretty epic, with most of the kids getting in on the action and some pretty absurd plays going down. Teamwork is a must in ultimate and the kids worked together to get it done today. Maria and Eve had some good passes to each other, and obviously Sam H DOMINATED all of us jumping literally 47 feet into the air and catching EVERYTHING. Sam P also surprised us all making some pretty incredible catches. Maddie ended up catching the game winning pass from Kyle to end the game.

On our way back to the barn we decided we needed to up our Frisbee game, so we made a quick stop at Dick’s Sporting Goods to pick up something more substantial in size and weight. Finally it was time to head back to the barn for brinner- French Toast and Bacon! It was rather late when we arrived back to the barn, so chores and dinner began immediately- the barns needed to be returned to a “liveable” state again, so much sweeping and organizing was required from those chosen for the task. Dinner was amazing as usual, the dinner makers killed it and everyone got seconds, thirds, even fourths of French Toast. One dinner and chores were done the showers started. Obviously the hundreds of car games have broken out again. Delivery, Dena, and Rachel, and Sam are playing 13, and several other kids are finishing up their notes for tomorrow.  The double rest day tradition is almost surely here to stay. The shenanigans are too good to pass up!

 

This workplace has gone 8 days without an average fatality.

 

-Ellis, Mad Dog and Lindsay

Ball before I Fall

Sorry for the delay on blogging folks, we had a late night yesterday and decided to forgo posting until today. Let’s back track a bit.

 

Yesterday we decided to split up our groups and head to two different areas- Kyle took Mad Dog, Cole, Little Sam, Eve, Jess, Rachel, Maxime, Maria, Charlie, Kaylie and Gabe to The Shire. The rest of the guides and I took Big Sam, Ellen, David, Nico, TZ, Delivery, Beans, America and Dena to Drive By. At Drive By, the kids had a vast array of classic climbs from 5.10 to 5.13 to choose from. We started the day by beans slinging up Yada Yada Yada (5.11b), Ellen doing Whipstocking (5.11a), Nico doing Spirit Fingers (5.11c) and Big Sam strung Fire and Brimstone and Breakfast Burrito (both 5.10d). We were fortunate to have another group allow us to climb on their draws on the climb Naked Lunch (5.12a) which Ellen, Sam, America and Lindsay all put burns in on. Brendan went up Kaleidescope (5.13c) and two hung it despite a plethora of dripping wet holds on the route. TZ came agonizingly close to sending Spirit Fingers, falling just before the victory jug near the top of the route. She previously flashed Yada Yada Yada though, which was a pretty awesome way to warm up and start the climbing day. Nico sent pretty much everything besides Naked Lunch and looked really solid on everything he climbed. Lindsay decided she hates nature, so she took out a tree branch on her onsight burn of Naked Lunch (she fell at the chains). Also, we renamed every climb at Drive By to include a combination of any and all of the names. AKA Naked Thug Burrito, Check Your Pimp Lunch, Spirit Breakfast Juice, etc. etc.

 

The group that went to the Shire had an interesting day to say the least. When we hiked up to the wall, Kyle made a bet with all the kids that if they all completed 3 pitches in a reasonable amount of time, then he would take us to a local bowling alley. This motivated all of the kids to climb super fast. There are several good routes at the Shire including a 5.7, 5.8, 5.9, and a 5.10. All of the kids at the area completed their 3 pitches in record timing. Like seriously I don’t think I’ve ever seen kids climb so fast. Several kids even got a chance to try out their new cleaning skills. Kaylie and Gabe both cleaned for the first time ever! After all the routes were climbed and cleaned we hiked back down to the van for BOWLING!!!!! Or so we thought…. When we pulled up at the bowling alley we were all heartbroken to discover that a group of 90 kids had already made reservations and we would not be able to bowl until 5:30. We have been trying to go to the bowling alley for a couple years now and every time we go something happens and we aren’t able to bowl. Maybe it’s a sign…  So, instead of bowling, Kyle took us all to Dairy Queen! Not as good as bowling, but a close second. We all ordered our ice cream and crammed into one of the corner booths. While eating our ice cream we played several games of telephone, which were all super entertaining. After about an hour at Dairy Queen we made our way to Miguel’s to kill time before meeting up with the other group for dinner. Our time killing consisted of many card games and basketball games. Charlie, Jess, Gabe, Eve, and several others had card game tournaments while Maddie, Kyle, Maria, and Cole played basketball.

 

 

Once we finally merged our two groups back together at Miguel’s, it was pizza time! We continued our normal shenanigans of using fake names for pizza orders including Anakin Skywalker, Iron Woman, Fatty Kyle, Sean McColl and Yada Yada. A super long game of Knockout in basketball ensued not long after pizza consumption was finished. After several rounds of knockout and Kaylie riding around the basketball court in a toddlers tricycle, we loaded back up and headed to the barn. We debated what to do for a few minutes, finally deciding on going to the drive through movie theatre to kill off the remaining hours of the evening. After some more procrastinating we finally made our way towards town to check out our movie options. Unfortunately by the time we arrived the movie had started 30 minutes prior, so we regrettably made the decision to wait until Saturday night. We then bailed from the theatre and continued into town to go to Kroger and stock up on ice cream, chocolate milk and anything else mildly unhealthy we could get our hands on. By the time we got back to the barn it was after 10, so we descended immediately into our nightly patterns of chess, cards and mental decompression from the day. A small group of us decided we wanted to climb a half day on Saturday (today), so we decided to go to bed near 11- planning to wake up around 7 and prepare for the wall.

 

8 Hours Later…….

 

On to today- Me, Lindsay, David, Maria and TZ woke up just after 7 to prep for our half day adventure at the crag. After a short breakfast and as much coffee as we could manage, we loaded up in the hell van and headed to the Bob Marley crag. We arrived at the parking area and set off towards what we thought was the correct trail. After I second guessed myself like 12 times and lead everyone around in a circle because I’m an idiot, we finally found our way to the wall. Lindsay went first and strung up the super classic “Toker” 5.11a. Everyone else followed suit and took turns on the route, with everyone sending the route first try. I went last and cleaned the route and we made preparations to pack up the gear and head out. Unfortunately as we were pulling the rope it somehow became entangled in the anchors and was not coming down without someone undoing the cluster knot that had occurred. We decided to leave it and get it on our way out, opting to check out a cave on the far end of the wall with climbs from .11d to .12d. After a quick sampling of the far right 5.12a, we realized we were quickly running out of time to make our 1pm deadline to meet back at the barn. David saved the day by stepping up to climb and clean the route again to fix the stuck rope. Making record climbing and cleaning time, we sprinted back down the hill and made it back to the barn at 12:58, just in time.

 

The morning at the barn ran pretty smoothly. After a later wake up time, Carson, Brendan, and Maddie cooked the most delicious breakfast tacos EVER! Delivery also ate basically her entire body weight in bacon. It was awesome. After tacos were eaten, the chores started. The dishes and kitchen team worked on putting the breakfast stuff away while the other two groups worked on cleaning the vans and putting away the gear. The chores were completed pretty quickly, but then we had to clean the barn. It’s amazing how dirty it can get after just two days. The kids all worked together to take out the trash, sweep the floor, and clean up their beds. When Kyle got back from playing golf, he was surprised to see how clean the barn was. After the cleaning was done more card games broke out. It appears that Cash and 13 are some of the most popular card games right now, but it changes every hour. It seems as if UFO chess is becoming less popular since more and more kids have learned how to play regular chess.

 

Once we reunited with the main group, we quickly departed to Winchester for lunch, laundry and Walmart. Lunch was first; of course it was Gaunce’s again. I’m sure they either love or hate us at this point. We’re just going to assume it’s love. Laundry time also means thrift store (The Peddlers Mart) time. The Peddlers Mart is a hodgepodge of local crafts, hidden gems, and total garbage. With everything from Ninja stars to pottery to rusty old tools, the possibilities for buying useless novelties are endless. Our highlight purchases included: several amazing redneck related flags, a copy of Top Gun on VHS, some sweet ninja stars, matching t-shirts and choose your own adventure books. We killed enough time there to make the laundry experience seem not so bad. Once everything was folded and good to go, we made our way back over to Walmart. We planned ahead much better this time, with Mad Dog and Lindsay making a full inventory of our current food stock so as to purchase just enough food for the next three days. We cut our total nearly in half from the last run, so that was certainly a big help. Last but not least in Winchester- Coffee. The kids loaded up on $7,000 Starbucks drinks and Kyle downloaded a new golf magazine to keep him busy for the next 10 years or so.

 

Back at the barn we shattered all previous dinner records by making spaghetti in about 12 seconds flat and serving all the kids in under 60 seconds. We had to make good time so as to get to the drive in on time tonight. The kids ran through our chores and cleaned up the kitchen and we jetted up to the drive in just as the 9pm curfew came. Lindsay and I are now at McDonalds finishing this blog and are about to head back to watch the movies for tonight! Assuming any other shenanigans happen tonight, be on the lookout for those to be included in tomorrow nights blog. Rest day number two is coming! That’s all for now folks. Over and out.

This Workplace has gone 7 days without a significant loss of life.

 

-Ellis, Mad Dog and Lindsay